Two things happened to me today. I heard a really great sermon and my husband was nice to me. On their own, these two things make today an awful lot like any other Sunday (my church is blessed with a seemingly endless series of really great sermons. It’s awesome). But together, today, they resulted in this post right here.
The preacher today told us something remarkable. She told us that the thing we’re supposed to do, the thing that we have to do, might be the thing that we’re running from, because we know it’s powerful enough to take a life of it’s own. She said it’s like fire, that passion, that secret thing it’s hard to ignore, because it’s what’s inside of us that lights other things up. And that we sometimes try to hide it because we just KNOW that we don’t exactly know how it will burn if we let it go.
I sat there in the pew today saying, “Oh no, I know.” I often sit in church and say Oh no, I know, because I so often hear commands like LOVE and TRUST and BE NICE. (In more eloquent words usually, of course), and those things are good and right and true and so, so very hard. It’s so much easier not to. So as I sit, I think about how I know that it’s nothing I haven’t heard before, it’s nothing that I don’t wholeheartedly agree with, and yet, Oh No, it might mean I have to do something that takes energy and effort and cuts into my tv-watching time.
Anything worth doing always cuts into my tv-watching time.
I said Oh no, because I knew, I just knew that this was the thing inside me burning to get out. This blog. I don’t know why. I don’t know what I need to write about or where this is going. I’m terrified, to be honest, because history has shown that I’m the world’s worst blogger. I post a couple times and then move on to other things. See, e.g., the first couple posts below. Look at the dates. That’s how it always happens when I try to commit to regularly writing things. I’ve buried my other abortive blog attempts in the mysterious bowels of the internet. No one will ever know!
Except that this time feels different. (Look at those FAMOUS LAST WORDS!) As I stewed all day about how I just really need to write something and see if other people want to read it, I read one of my favorite blogs (hi, Momastery. We haven’t met, but I think you’re great), which linked to a listing of Mom blogs, and I saw that there are 80 bazillion Mom blogs in existence. Exactly. I counted. And that’s just self-identified Mom blogs – imagine how many more blogs are out there. It’s some fantastically large number, I’m sure. And I turned to my darling husband, who knows about my blog-stewing and said, OH NO. There is no reason for me to start a blog. Look at the fantastically large number of many blogs there are!
And he said: I know there are a lot of voices, but, I don’t know, I want to hear yours.
Now admittedly, he’s biased, but it just hit me. It just did. That and this ridiculously amazing post about why we should all get our voices out there on A Practical Wedding (hi, we haven’t met either, but I think you’re great too. Apparently it’s Blog-love Shout-out Day today) and something about Poking the Box that’s been marinating inside me at least since March (see the last post I wrote) made TODAY the DAY. Today is the day I start this for real. I’m letting the fire burn.
I’m being a bit over-dramatic about it perhaps, but all I’m trying to say is, I’m going to be writing down some things that I think on this here blog on a fairly regular schedule because, apparently, I just can’t not. I don’t have any readers yet, but if I get some, someday, I think this is when it really started.
The end (beginning).